8 steps to finally free yourself from unhealthy patterns
Updated: Jul 26, 2022
There are two types of mindsets we can adopt in life.
One will lead you to feel helpless, angry, and frozen by your circumstances...
And the other will empower you to see life as a series of lessons supporting your soul's growth and evolution.
In the process of this human experience, the latter is the hardest to master. But when you do, you begin to transform in ways you never thought possible.
It all begins with the simple yet challenging mindset shift: "this is happening for me, not to me."
If you are here reading this blog, I'm assuming it's because you resonate (at least a little bit) with my perspective on life and spirituality. I do not claim to know what's right for everyone, but I do know that my connection to my spiritual guidance has helped me to truly take charge of my life and feel empowered even in the face of the most complicated, heavy, and difficult challenges.
It is my belief that our souls choose to come to earth to learn a series of lessons that help us to expand our consciousness and experience our existence in its fullest capacity.
I always like to imagine a life where there is no polarity, no darkness, no sadness, no loss, no fear...
On the surface, this sounds like paradise. But I also know deep down in my soul that contrast is the very thing that gives meaning to our lives.
It is through our biggest challenges that we have the capacity to find our true strength, resilience, and trust our inner knowing.
Without darkness, you would never know your power to transform it into light.
So, I choose to believe that patterns showing up in our lives are not a curse. They are not an accident. They are exactly what our souls signed up to learn from in this human experience.
Whether you continuously attract narcissists, fake friends, people who steal from you, cheat on you, or take advantage of you...
Whether you find yourself continuously struggling with your weight, finances, keeping a job, or health issues...
There is an underlying message within these cycles that, when received and observed, can help you to understand the internal shifts you need to make to put an end to these patterns.
And yes, I said INTERNAL SHIFTS.
Because the first belief you need to choose is this:
It is not the other people or outer circumstances that need to change. You cannot control how other people treat you, respond to you, or respect you. You cannot use control to gain a better hold of your weight, finances, and health issues (no matter how many times you've been told to just cut carbs or skip out on the $7 latte to save money).
Your reality is a direct reflection of your self worth. Period.
Somewhere inside your mind, consciously or (most likely) subconsciously, you are telling yourself that you are deserving of these circumstances because of X, Y, & Z.
This is not your fault. It is all conditioning that has been within you for years on end.
You see, from ages 0-7, we are a sponge for everything in our environment. Our subconscious mind is formed with core beliefs about who we are and what we are deserving of. So, if your primary caretakers felt unworthy OR led you to feel unworthy of love, trust, fair treatment, security, abundance, and stability, then you adopted those as the truth about who you are and "how life is."
As you grow up, you begin to see these core beliefs mirrored back to you as the truth everywhere you go, reaffirming them even more deeply. If you had a caretaker who was unavailable or disengaged, you most likely attracted friends and partners with the same energy. If you saw your caretaker accepting relationships, jobs, and circumstances that were unhealthy, you learned that this was normal to do and maybe even internalized reasons as to why you were deserving of it.
Your subconscious mind is what influences 90-95% of your behavior on a daily basis. So, if you subconsciously believe you are not good enough, lazy, or are undeserving of love, you will take action and attract circumstances that reflect that as your truth. You will also have an inner dialogue repeating those beliefs telling you that you are unworthy, making you feel ashamed, afraid, or unlovable. No matter how much your conscious mind tries to fight against it, your willpower is no match for the overpowering force of these deeply ingrained belief systems.
When you feel deep fear, shame, or sadness on a subconscious level, it keeps your vibration low and attracts more of of that into your life. And you cannot move through those lower vibration emotions using the SAME low vibration emotions to talk yourself out of them.
For instance, you cannot talk yourself out of being ashamed of your body by telling yourself that you SHOULD love yourself and that "staying in shame will keep you stuck forever." This is coming from a place of judgment rather than wanting to understand yourself better.
The only way to transform these subconscious beliefs and low vibrational energies is to observe them, first, from a place of neutrality. If you feel afraid, that's okay. It's totally normal to want to ignore and overlook these patterns. The good news is that your brain is malleable and therefore able to be molded and transformed. You are able to use the very force that led you to these patterns to consciously attract patterns that will lead to your fulfillment and success.
Either try out these practices on your own, ask the universe for support, or, if you resonate with my message and want to begin this work with me as your guide, click here.
Disclaimer: this process can bring up intense emotions and trauma. If you are new on your healing journey or are struggling with your mental health, it is recommended that you do this work with a trained professional. Complete the following exercises using your own discretion.
STEP ONE: IDENTIFY THE PATTERNS
What are your patterns? What do you believe to be true about yourself because of these patterns? How do you blame yourself for these patterns? What do you feel when you think of how long these patterns have been repeating? (guilt, shame, sadness, frustration, anger, other emotions)
STEP TWO: BECOME THE OBSERVER
What emotions are stirring in you as you read about these patterns? Where do you feel these sensations in your body? Breathe and allow the sensations that you are ready to move through come up.
STEP THREE: CONNECT TO YOUR LOVING PRESENCE
Call on your angels, guides, the universe/God/source, and/or your higher self to surround you with their loving presence. Tune into the frequency of unconditional love by writing about someone you love unconditionally or a memory of when you felt loved unconditionally. If you can't recall a person or memory, I invite you to imagine what unconditional love would feel like. Write that down.
STEP FOUR: STEP INTO YOUR HIGHER CONSCIOUSNESS
With the presence of your support system and the awareness of what unconditional love means to you, ask that whatever memory you are meant to heal from be shown to you now. Wait for it to come up. Maybe it's an image, a word, a feeling. Don't question it.
STEP FIVE: WITNESS WITH LOVE
Imagine yourself from this higher perspective traveling above the timeline of your life and witnessing this event. See it through loving eyes. What did you learn to be true about yourself at this time? What did you learn to be true about the world?
If you feel called to, tell yourself what you needed to hear. Provide yourself with what you needed. Tell your inner child what is really true about who you are and what you are deserving of. Remind them that they are never alone and that they do not have to make these events, words, or circumstances mean anything about who they are.
STEP SIX: RE-WRITE YOUR STORY
Allow yourself to imagine your loving consciousness with you moments before this event occurred. Ask yourself, if I could change this memory to be the most empowering, healing memory for me, what would change? Maybe someone would show up and protect you, maybe the circumstances would change, maybe you would do something differently. Witness this memory being re-written. Know that once you do this, you have completely changed the emotional charge of this memory and rewritten the timeline of your life.
STEP SEVEN: REFLECT
Take a moment to reflect on what just occurred. Bring that loving presence to yourself here and now in this moment. Know that your inner child lives within you and that they need your loving presence. Write down the beliefs that you witnessed and what your loving presence helped you shift into.
STEP EIGHT: PRACTICE
Practice bringing that loving awareness into your daily life. Notice if these beliefs are showing up and see it as another wound or memory within you that may need to be visited using this technique.
Resources to help you rewire the subconscious:
Search for subconscious reprogramming (insert your specific need here) on youtube for a plethora of resources you can listen to as you sleep. Some of my favorites are:
Self-love Reprogramming (so good for relationship patterns!)
Remember, you are not your beliefs. You are not what happened to you. You are not your patterns. You are the consciousness observing it all and YOU have the power to see yourself with compassion and ultimately change these programs. Change comes when you see yourself through the eyes of love and believe in your inner-strength.
Sending you so much love,