Updated: May 8, 2022
My life used to revolve around going out to the club every weekend 🥂
If you took a look at my life at 22, you would have seen me at the club every weekend, living what was supposed to be my “best life”
But underneath the instagram photos, long (embarrassing) snapchat stories, and "f*ck it I'm young" mentality - I was deeply insecure, sick, and wishing I could run away from it all. Feelings that I easily brushed off because
1. Everyone else was doing it
& 2. partying felt like the only way I could feel like I was doing my 20s right
Don't get me wrong, there were some things I absolutely loved about it - dressing up, dancing, making memories with my best friends, never knowing what kind of craziness we would get ourselves into...
But it got to a point where the bad parts about going out started to outweigh the good.
I mean, how many times can you go to the same bar, surrounded by the same people, and not wonder: is my life meant for something more than this?
How many times can you wake up with crippling anxiety, brain fog, 0 motivation, and not wonder: should I really be putting this sh*t into my body so often? How would I feel & what would I accomplish if I didn't?
At the time, I wanted to push these thoughts away.
I really wanted to fit in and just be a NORMAL 22-year-old who could enjoy partying again.
So I kept going out. And every time, I would start to feel more and more out of place.
I started to notice the toxicity of nightlife culture.
I started to realize that my self-esteem issues, eating disorder, and obsession with perfectionism were exacerbated after every night out.
And if that weren't enough, health issues that started when I was 18-years old (ironically, the start of my binge-drinking habits) began to get more and more severe with every night I spent out.
But I realize now that those subtle realizations were not random.
My health issues were not "bad luck" or "poor genes"
They were signals from my higher self (universe, angels, guides, whatever you want to call it) telling me that a better life was possible for me if I could find the strength to give up my old one.
And as soon as I became conscious of that, I couldn't go back to my old ways.
Trust me, I TRIED. But I started to feel like an alien 👽
So out of place
So turned off
Dying to get the f*ck out of there
I couldn't un-know what I knew...
That this habit could keep me stuck for the rest of my life or I could choose to be strong enough to break out of it.
And I did.
And I am not kidding you when I tell you that my life is infinitely better because of it.
I finally have relief from the patterns that were causing me so much pain, anxiety, illness, brain fog...
Because I finally have the ENERGY and CLARITY to do something about it.
In this awakening, I had a lot of realizations about alcohol and its place in our society.
I could see clearly that alcohol was keeping me in a dimmed-down version of my life.
It was a form of self-sabotage that was and IS completely normalized.
Something good happens? Let's celebrate with alcohol so we feel like shit again.
It's the weekend? Let's use this precious free time to drink, forget about how unhappy we really are, and make sure we have no motivation to change it.
Feel like shit? Drink the pain away so that you can't process your feelings and make everything worse when they finally do come back up.
It's a cycle that keeps you trapped in a life you don't want.
And once I realized this, it was only a matter of time until alcohol became completely unappealing to me.
I was ready to do the work to feel good and happy without it.
I was ready to find the people who were on the same page as me - wanting to see how good we could feel and how beautiful life could be.
And today, I see drinking in a completely different way. I'm still learning what role I want alcohol to play in my life. I do think there is a way to drink consciously if you feel called to. But I'm still learning what that looks like for me.
It's been a long road here. One with many drinks and nights I've regretted.
But overall, I can truly say that giving up that lifestyle was the best, most loving thing I've ever done for myself.
And if you're reading this, it's probably because you've been considering doing the same.
If that's you, I want you to know that you have time. I started feeling these subtle cues and nudges to stop drinking years before I ever did anything about it. My body was breaking down and suffering for so long until I started to see it as a sign that I couldn't continue living that way.
When I first gave it up, there were still times when I saw photos of friends partying and looking like they were having so much fun wondering if I made the right choice.
But now, 2 years into this journey, I can say with 100% certainty that I did.
Because living your best life doesn't mean doing what everyone else is doing because you're afraid of missing out.
It's knowing the type of life you are WORTHY of living, listening to what you really want, and prioritizing what makes you feel your best every single day.
I hope this inspires you to start imagining what that could look like for you ✨